My worst enemy.

I've been telling people the opposite, but I realize that the fact of the matter is that I do have an enemy. (NO!) Yes. Let me tell you a thing or two about him.

He keeps me up late at night worrying about the next day, then the next day comes and I'm so tired I can hardly think.

He's been known to wake me up at 4 in the morning and keep me that way by placing butterflies in my stomach. Not the good kind, but the kind that make you shiver and doubt yourself.

He has little regard for the things that really matter most to me.

He could care less about what I am doing right. Instead he loves to rub in my face all the things that I am doing wrong. And I hear about it all the time.

I've lost some of my best friends to him.

I keep telling myself that I need to get rid of him, but for some reason, no matter how hard I try, he'll be back the next day, just to torment me.

Ironically, he's something of a two edged sword. For the last three years he's been my motivation to be better. He challenges me, and I win every time that I show him up. It's like a sick contest. Here's the problem with that: He always knows when I fail. Always. And for some reason, I fail a lot. Try as I might, I just can't be perfect. And whenever imperfection decides to play it's hand, he's there whispering the perfect words. Words that make me want to crawl under my bed and never come out again.
Waking up at four in the morning because of a dream that made you feel terrible is no way to live. Here's the story. I wake up, it takes me about five minutes to realize that my head is so tangled in my blankets and I can barely breath, I feel heartbroken because of what I just saw, I hear a voice that says things which may or may not be true (you know, the kind of things that cast just enough doubt to make you question yourself seriously?), and then there's that sick feeling where your stomach just drops out of you. P.S. never get a glass of water during a situation like this. It feels gross.
It's terrible. And I owe it all to my least favorite person, the one who always knows just what to say to make me doubt my own existence, my own worst enemy.
Me.
Why do I always unintentionally wind up ruining a beautiful night? I've bested other challenges. So why can't I figure me out?
There, I've vented. Maybe now I can get back to sleep.