True happiness

Hey kids.
Today I'm going to speak of a thing that has brought me great joy. Indeed, it has converted me to something that I had no desire for. Then along it came, and I was converted to the cause. That thing which has brought me such joy is: Franks Hot Sauce.
Not many months ago I couldn't stand the taste, smell, or even the thought of hot sauce. Unfortunately missions are known for their ability to change lives. While on my mission I ran into a lovely family. We taught them and we became friends. I shared with them the gosple, which I also love, and in return one fateful night I found myself eating lasagna with a side of Franks. I admit that I was too stubborn to try it, even at their insistence, but the idea had been planted.
I left that area, and went to an area where I began a diet. One of the few things that I let myself eat was eggs. Now, eggs are a wonderful thing, but straight eggs got old really fast. I needed something to spice it up. Fortunately heaven's blessing was upon me the day that I decided I wanted more, because there just happened to be a large bottle of said hot sauce in the shelf. I dared myself to try something that I didn't even like, and it would up being the greatest decision I have ever made in my short career in the culinary arts. I took the bottle in my hands, but the bottle took me by the heart.
What is it about Franks that I love so very much? Well, first off the spice is phenomenal. It's not too much, but will leave your mouth with a lovely tingling sensation. You see, to me, the after-tingle is the most important part of any hot sauce. I could choose some flamin' habenero sauce or something, but I don't enjoy the sensation of my cheeks burning away from my very flesh. Rather, give me a zing, just enough to last for a while after the meal is over, that will give me the illusion that I am still eating what I have just finished. That, my friends, is paradise, like unto eating your food twice. And Frank's gives me that. In addition to the 'zing' which I have just described, the really remarkable thing is that you can still taste the food after the spice. Yes, you are going to notice the sauce, but the food is not ruined or tainted in any way because of it. In fact, it will be enhanced. For these and other reasons, my love for Frank's is pure. Pure delight.
Moving on. When I left Ohio I knew my love for Frank would never die, but our relationship turned into a long distance friendship. I searched long and hard for my cayenne happiness, but it just wouldn't turn up. I knew my love for Frank would never die, but I feared that I would have to settle for Tapatio's: good, tasty, but nothing hot enough to light up my mouth the way Frank always did.
Then, not two hours ago, on a shopping trip to Wall Mart (of all places), I was making my way around the store to see if there was anything I had forgotten. And behold, there it was, hidden away from my first viewing, there in plain sight for my second. I rushed forward, seized it in my arms, and then fells to my knees and wept sweet tears of joy. United, once again, never to be separated, there we were, and I knew at last that my joy was full.
And now, here I am, writing about my experience, having just finished a meaty pizza lathered in Franks Hot Sauce, feeling most happy about the experience. The zing still burns, 30 minutes later, and I like it.
Seriously folks, if you haven't experienced the joy that is Frank's, I highly recommend that you run to your nearest Wall Mart (or local convenience store that carries it) and buy this bottled joy. It may very well wind up being the greatest decision of your life. And the best part is (for college students anyways) it's cheap.
And now behold, my joy is full.