When Haddaway concocted the famous musical piece "What is Love?" he raised a very interesting question: What is Love? Yeah, what the heck is love anyway? (What's love got to do, got to do with it also comes to mind)
If we think about the lyrics to that song a little bit, one would think that love would be the worst thing ever. Think about it: "What is love?" (immediately followed by...) "Baby don't hurt me, baby don't hurt me no more." Later on, we find:
Oh, I don't know why you're not there,
I give you my love, but you don't care,
So what is right and what is wrong.
Gimme a sign.
Interesting. This love thing seems like it must really suck. Love makes him worry about getting hurt, but even so he's still dishing it out to his woman, who just isn't feeling it at all. That's his answer to the question of what is love? So we love people because we get shafted and/or hurt? Interesting...
This whole love thing is way too complicated. Nobody has ever figured it out really. The wisest of mankind still sit in philosophical circles and discuss feelings and stuff. Girls do it all the time. Guys usually just don't care. Yet girls and guys still wind up liking each other.
Fortunately, love isn't totally unpredictable. As far as I can see it, there's this pattern that love tends to follow. This is of course according to my experience. Maybe somebody else has experienced something different, but I haven't. The best part is, it follows a 12 step program style. I call it the cycle of love. Let's start with phase one.
1) The stare. You notice her/she notices you. It can go either way. Something about the other makes them catch your eye. Usually this is where being hott plays an important role. Perhaps the first time is only for a little while, but as time goes on your "stares" get progressively longer (provided you can get away with it before they notice.) It's pretty straightforward, but often most "relationships" never really make it past phase one.
2) The Intro. This can happen in a variety of ways. One way or the other, you wind up giving them your basic information. In college, this includes your name, home state, major, and what apartment you live in. Creative people can work in other questions, but since this is just the basic introduction, we'll stick with that. Now, armed with the basic information, you may proceed to phase 3.
3) Stalking/Getting To Know Better. Yes, I just used the two interchangeably because that's exactly what they are. Noble and non-weird people will actually get to know the person by means of the actual person. Other less noble but efficient methods involve facebook, ward directories, roommates, or (for real creeps) window stalking and telescopes. Pranks can also play an important part. Either way, this individual has gotten your attention and you wish to get to know the person better. You may pursue either getting-to-know-you venue in order to do so, but by the time you're done, you know this person's likes and dislikes, their family situation, clothing style, if their hair color is real, and most importantly, their relationship status. During phase three, the "crush" is manifest.
4) Hanging Out. I think personally that this doesn't have to happen too many times, but if you skip phase 4, you're setting yourself up for awkwardness later. During phase 4, you might watch a movie, play a few games, hang with roommates, quote a comedian who you both find amusing, or perhaps just chat.
5) Twitterpation. The other persona becomes the center of your thoughts. You're in the early stages of love, as far as you can tell (but don't tell anybody). Flirting becomes a sporting event, if you will. During this phase you might experience anxiety in the form of "Does he/she like me too?" or "Does this dress make me look fat for him?" Occasionally you might even check with their roommates to try and find out what they think about you (and how they feel about what they think.) One way or the other, at this point, you are trying to catch the other person's attention.
6) Dates. Yes, it's true. You have begun the early stages of "pairing off." The world is your oyster, and you plan on taking full advantage of it. You aren't really official, only semi-together. The guy in this story is now officially willing to spend lots of money on the girl. The details of the actual date really don't matter at this point. All anybody wants to know is if you cuddled or not. Did you hold their hand? Did he kiss you goodnight? These and perhaps other steps can be achieved during this very important stage.
7) DTR. This is the most nerve-racking part by far. But at this point, it's expected. You've been dating for a while. Time to figure out if this little thing we call love is even real. One of you decides to suck it up and tell them exactly how you feel, then see if the feeling is mutual. The words you and I often go together. Neither of you can make eye contact, so it's really like finding out if you and the ground get along. However, by the end of the moment you have both come to understand each other a little better.
The problem with this phase is that it's kind of open ended Just because you've made it to phase 7 does not guarantee that you get to move into phase 8. Perhaps after you are done DTRing you have discovered that your new found feelings of affection are only one sided. Or perhaps you are the one who gets to shoot down the other lovebird. If the former be the case, then you revert back to phase one, after a quick stop at phase 10. Assuming that all goes well, however, you proceed to phase 8.
p.s. If at this point you haven't hugged yet, now would be a great time.
8) The relationship. By far the most enjoyable phase of the love cycle. The benefits of a relationship are yours to enjoy. Some move slower than others, but during this phase you have progressed far deeper into la-la-love-land than ever before. Twitterpation is the epitome of understatement. My friend, you are officially whipped. You spend lots of time together, you gross out your roommates as you make out on the couch, you run up the phone bill with all the minutes you spend talking on the phone, ect ect. It's a wonderful time to be alive. Roommates can no longer hang out with you, not because you don't allow it, but because the flirtation levels have risen to a somewhat unbearable level. For you, it's bliss. For everybody else, it's corn. But you don't care. This person eats your thoughts and feelings, not to mention the money in your wallet if you're the guy. But, again, you don't care, because dropping her off at the doorstep makes it all worth it. Depending on the firmness of said relationship, this phase can last for long or short periods of time.
9) The breakup. Alas, all good things come to an untimely end. The manner of the breakup is varied and always tragic. Interest is lost and love is forgotten. One of you says, does, or feels something that is not right. This festers until, at last, you decided that the love is gone, and you decided to go your separate ways. Phase 10, in many cases follows shortly after. (as a side note, I would suggest that Haddaway's lyrics fall between phase 8 and 9.)
10) Depression. During the relationship, you were drunken with love. Now, as with all toxic drinks, you return the the hangover of reality: You just got dumped dude. During this phase your overall production goes way, way down. Crazy thoughts come into your head. You might even wax poetic as you try to put the feelings of your broken heart into words, which not even you can understand. While there are some similarities, the different sexes have varied means of handling this particular phase. The guys will usually talk it over with their roommates or friends, then spend the next few days watching action movies or playing violent video games. Man nights and sausage fests become the norm during this period of time. For the next two weeks, you forget that you even like girls. Sorrow is drowned in an onslaught of manly things.
The girls usually cry a lot. Chocolate officially becomes an antidepressant, along with all things unhealthy. A long phone conversation with Mom is in the works. At this point every friend you have ever had just became your counselor, and you spill it all upon everybody. Once the immediate emoting is over, you throw a girls night out, where you officially plan some kind of revenge, decide that boys are insensitive jerks and smell bad anyways, and eat more chocolate.
11) Forgetting. As time moves on, so do you. You never really forget the pain inflicted from all that "love", so instead you replace it with the opposite, hatred. You lose all desire to see "that dirtbag" ever again. This makes for really awkward moments because, as we all know, you never really go without seeing that person ever again. You never listen to that one song you dubbed as "yours" because it evokes too many memories. As you slowly come out of it, your memory emphasizes all the baggage that your ex carried around, and you wonder what you ever saw in them in the first place. By the end of phase 11, you've forgotten about the pain, and you move on to phase 12.
12) Repeat. You go back to phase one. Why? We're not sure exactly, all we really know is that we are doomed to repeat the cycle of love over and over again. All you need is love, love, love; love is all you need.
Little wonder that Haddaway's lyrics are of such a dark undertone. Baby don't hurt me no more, indeed. This whole love thing is just a big setup. We all know that it never really goes anywhere, but we keep doing it anyways. The only reason for this that I can think of being lonely sucks even more than being committed.
The thing is, we can never really tell when love is real. Remember that one song by Usher, DJ got us falling in love? Even simple things like music can and will manipulate those tender feelings. Nobody knows what love really is or how it works. Haddaway tried to write a song about it and what good ever happened to him? That song only ever made it to Saturday Night Live. And still the aforementioned cycle of love goes on.
Love...who came up with it anyways?
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