So, I'm back on the spiritual track. That's usually the only thing that gets me thinking deeply...besides dating.
I had a humbling moment. Those seem to happen a lot to me, but this time I have an online website where I can electronically emote all over the place, whereas before I was all by my lonesome. Often I get reminded that I am nothing by somebody else, but this time I had to figure things out by myself. Here's what went down.
I'm staying at the Elms, which is a lovely place. Right after I got home my cousin and grandma stumbled upon an opening here, and I took it. I would say that it was god-sent since I had no place to stay and about half a week to find one. Fortunately the Lord had my back on that one. I love it there and I made some great friends. The contract I signed was only for the summer, which essentially meant that I got two months and then the boot. I wanted to stay so that became my priority. Unfortunately that didn't seem like it was going to happen. The waiting list was about a mile long and everything was filling up fast. I signed up and hoped for the best.
I wanted to room with my freshman friends, but it looked like living together at the elms just wasn't going to fly. So we decided that the elms just wasn't going down and we decided to live at a place called raintree. Not a bad place, but it surely wasn't my first choice. I paid the deposit and decided it was all for the best. I felt somewhat uneasy about the move because I believed that the Elms was where I was supposed to be.
About an hour later (of course) the Elms calls with a spot open in the same room. Of course I took it, but that left me with two contracts and a desperate need to sell one. So raintree gets the boot and I think happy thoughts of my future with the Elms.
But that contract doesn't want to sell. I got one offer and it falls through the day before it was going to go down. Another call comes, and at the last minute raintree denies him because he wasn't attending a school. By this time school is about to roll around, and I need this thing sold and out of my life. I'm adding daily posts to cragslist and everything but nothing comes. I can't afford two apartments but I really don't want to cancel one contract. This morning I was wondering if I was going to wind up losing a lot of money on this.
So I'm stressing. Today I decided to walk up to school and post some more and try to get this thing rolling. As I walk I start to think a little bit, but this time my train of thought led me into a spiritual rebuke. I realized that I had done as much as I could given the circumstances, except for one thing: I had not once asked the Lord for help. I suppose this could turn into a confession session, but I really hadn't asked the Lord for much of anything in the recent past. You could say that I had been negligent in a lot of ways. As I walked along of course I heard that voice that's not a voice, and it said "What were you thinking? You turn to me when you need me but not when life is smooth. Do you really think that you can do this alone?" I realized that the answer was no, considering that now I was at a point where I no longer had any control over the situation. The voice was right. I needed help and I needed it now, but what's more is that I had to plead for it.
That's prayer for you. Why is it so important anyway? Why would the Lord slam the Brother of Jared for three hours when he forgot to pray? Why do we pray not only out loud but also in our minds? Nobody can hear a thought right?
Here's why. I asked for help and I got it, almost immediately. Today I have received two calls asking about the apartment. The lucky winning is a mom seaching for an apartment that will help her son as he prepares to go on a mission. Everyone in that raintree apartment is a returned missionary, and good ones at that. This guy needs this more that I do. I hope this is a blessing for him. And as for me, once again I am reminded that I can't do anything without calling down heaven's help. I've tried, believe me. But it never winds up working out. Hence my humbling moment.
The funny thing is that I've had this lesson before. Will it stick forever? I'd like to say yes, but I'm only human. I've been spiritually browbeaten so many times it's amazing I haven't learned how to be perfect yet. But there again is prayer. Why else would Nephi say, "Ye must pray always, and not faint; that ye must not perform any thing unto the Lord save in the first place ye shall pray unto the Father in the name of Christ, that he will consecrate thy performance unto thee, that thy performance may be for the welfare of thy soul." Everything really is for the welfare of our souls. Even apartment contracts.